I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
