bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
