Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
