when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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