nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
