you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
