I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
not ubering you a puppy
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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