Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
