There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize