It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
