when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
