I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
