don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
