I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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