If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
