Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
