Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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