Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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