we have officially lost it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
