You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
