fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
