I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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