look no pants
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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