Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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