Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
