Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
