I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
