i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
