dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
