I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
