happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
