What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
