My first STD was from a foam party
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
