Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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