I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
