Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
