So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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