I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
