You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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