oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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