Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
