About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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