Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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