Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
