Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
