capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
