you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
