there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
