I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
