I want to have your abortion
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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