i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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