Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
