I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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