I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
