when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
