I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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