When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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