Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
