Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
