I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
