why do cheetos always look like penises
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
