We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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