My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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