I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All the doctor said was why
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
