It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
