I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
